carissa joy lemos

OH EM GEE

2011-11-16T16:41:00.001-08:00

Congrats Kerry and Danyelle!

2011-11-03T18:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the opportunity to photograph some lovelies who recently got engaged. Below are some of my favorites. The rest can be found here.

so give me hope in the darkness that i will see the light

2011-11-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

i'm in love and i don't care who knows it.

thank you berry much

2011-10-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

-Wendell Berry

current soundtrack

2011-10-26T16:12:00.001-07:00

mylo xyloto music monday

2011-10-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

where have i been?

2011-10-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

and why did i not know about this sooner? do yourself a favor and download this, put your headphones in, turn the music up, and turn the rest down. but just for a while.

treat every day like christmas

2011-10-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

my itunes was on shuffle yesterday, and some christmas music snuck into the mix. now i for one am a firm believer that everyday is a good day for christmas music, but i'm also a deep, deep lover of christmas music and don't want it to wear out its welcome. with that said, i try, with vigilance, to avoid the christmas spirit until after thanksgiving, so as to not diminish just how special it is. so naturally, i quickly skipped ahead to something more seasonally appropriate...which happens to be all other music.

but it was too little, too late. the seed had already been planted and i started thinking about christmas. about who would be where and when. about whether or not this will be the year of the fifteen foot christmas tree. please, god, let this be the year. about how i'm looking forward to time with my family. because, while no family's perfect, you fight for what you love.

as i was thinking about the holidays i was reminded of this quite:

'this is my prayer for us, that we would give and receive the most important gifts this season -- the palpable presence of a Holy God, the kindness of well-chosen words, the generosity of spirit and soul.'

(shauna niequist, in - bittersweet)

while i think it's a little inappropriate to start listening to christmas music today, october 18th, i certainly think it appropriate to begin to ask for the grace to give and receive the most important gifts. may this coming holiday season be one marked with the in-breaking of the kingdom of god, as we together celebrate emmanuel, god with us.

music monday - better late than never, right?

2011-10-17T22:33:00.001-07:00

coldplay and rihanna...together...at the same time? good lord, yes.

Coldplay - Princess Of China (feat. Rihanna) by DJ ERM

'dreams in colors that have never been made'

2011-10-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

somewhere today, in the ocean of social media that we swim (and sometimes sink) in, someone posed the question of what the dreams of blind people look like. i'm gonna be thinking on this one a while. but i imagine their dreams are quite beautiful.

music monday

2011-10-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

ryan album drops tomorrow.

reviewed here.

released for listening here.

revered by all.

happy anniversary

2011-10-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

one year ago today, was one of the greatest parties of all time.

[10 people] [at 10:10pm] [on the 10th day] [of the 10th month] [in the year 2010]

[with 10 bottles of wine just kidding...no i'm not]

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there."

2011-10-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

just last week i watched steve jobs' speech at the 2005 Stanford Commencement. completely unaware, really, of the imminence of his death. but how often do we live truly aware of the imminence of death?

it's easy to say that 'remembering that you are going to die is the best way...to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose'...when you thought you were going to die, and then found out you weren't going to. at least not yet.

but that wasn't steve's point. he wasn't saying live each day like it's your last. if you live each day like it's your last, you're living so that life will somehow be different...when you're dead. because 'someday you'll most certainly be right'. i think what he was saying, rather, is live everyday like you're going to die. because spoiler alert: nobody makes it out of here alive.

and do you want the world to be a different place as a result of your life? yes. but spoiler alert #2: the world will absolutely be different as a result of your life. the question is, HOW will it be different?

i think that perhaps what steve jobs was suggesting, and certainly what he modeled, was that we should live life in such a way, that the finitude of our lives will be no match for the infinity of our impact.

"You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

Steve Jobs 1955-2011

things i'm currently loving about october:

2011-10-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

-fall happened

-oktoberfest

-SO MUCH GOOD MUSIC

kangaroos, not the only good thing to come from australia

2011-10-04T08:45:00.001-07:00

Latest tracks by mattcorby

listen [and] hear!

2011-10-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

oct 11

new digs. see if you can spot something you recognize.

2011-10-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

MUSIC MONDAY: Bon Iver – “With God On Our Side” (Bob Dylan Cover)

2011-10-03T12:18:00.001-07:00

noun: a person, a place, or a thing

2011-09-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

a noun is a person, a place, or a thing. and if that's the case, then i guess we've been going about this whole thing backwards.

but i'll tell you who has it right. natalie closner.

she's touring around the country, on the nouns tour.

it's because she's someone who understands that every noun has a story.

some people think that stories are made up of nouns, but i think that perhaps just the opposite is true.

when my grandma died, my mom asked me what, if anything, of hers i might want to have. without hesitation i said i'd like to have her moccasins. which are just things. moccasins equal noun. but i can still picture myself sitting on her bed, having just returned from a walk to the big boy market, and her changing out of her grandma shoes, and into her indian shoes, as i liked to call them. i was clearly a late bloomer when it comes to political correctness. i like the idea of walking in my grandma's shoes, and stepping where she's stepped. those things, the nouns, have a story.

and i guess there's some truth to the notion that stories are indeed made-up of nouns. but only in so much as, stories are made up of nouns, which are made of stories. which is to say that our noun-stories combine to write one story. it's a very human story. and the ending has already been written. by a person. in a place. on a thing. the story is called redemption. it's a real page-turner, in the sunrise and sunset sort of way. all the people and places and things will be redeemed.

it is impossible to be close enough fast enough. this is what it means to be human.

2011-09-29T16:41:00.000-07:00

there's something very human about how you feel in that moment. the one where on the other end of the line is someone you love and there's pain in their voice. and in that instant it's impossible to be close enough fast enough.

especially when you're in the back seat of a car, speeding down a crowded california freeway. there's no time to stop. you need out of the car. your heart says duck and roll but your body says lets not be crazy about this. but soon, your body starts to catch up as the urgency in your heart rises to your throat and you're choking back tears. and it's impossible to be close enough fast enough!!!

and by now you're frantic. certain you must be screaming. your chest might explode. your words don't cut it, and the cell reception is spotty at best. if you could just be there, in the flesh, holding them so tight that all the sadness is wrung from their soul maybe it would be different. if you could just be there! but it's impossible to be close enough fast enough.

by now the driver, realizing the gravity of the situation has surely engaged the child safety lock. so that's out. now how do i get to her. this person i love is hurting and can't imagine life getting any worse and certainly cannot imagine the possibility of it getting better. and i have to be there. i'm not there. in that moment, i cannot be there. because for some absolutely absurd reason, beyond my imagination, teleportation has not yet been invented.

and it's then that i realize i'm not screaming at all. i'm still wearing my seatbelt. i haven't inched my way closer to the door so as to be able to jump out when the moment is right. while it feels like all the air has been sucked from my lungs, i am in fact still breathing. my chest is in-tact, no explosion. instead i have a steady stream of tears, i have sunken into my seat, and can for the first time hear what i am saying. 'i hear you. i carry you in my heart. i love you'.

a quick look through my call-log revealed that what felt like an eternity, was in fact 12 minutes and 29 seconds. and while my body was busy simultaneously imploding and exploding, my soul was slowly realizing that this is what it means to be human. how beautiful it is to have people for whom you care so deeply that it is impossible to be close enough fast enough.

listen to this!

2011-09-16T17:31:00.001-07:00

i'm more excited about this album than i am about most. and that's saying something. click here and thank yourself for having good taste.

beginning again

2011-09-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

from where we left off.

so much has happened. too much to remember. too much to recall here. so lets begin again, today.

a quick re-cap.
-new job
-new house
-new life.

i'm going on vacation.

2011-08-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

maybe i cried at the thought of it.

2011-08-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

and maybe it blew my mind a little.

hope is creative. always.

2011-08-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

listen to this

2011-07-27T18:39:00.001-07:00

for the love of god.

i'd like to thank the academy.

2011-07-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

i'd first like to thank god. obviously.

*pulls out notes for spontaneous acceptance of (surprise-no-it-isn't) award*

i'd like to thank my sister, heather, for giving me the thumbs-up as i glanced over my shoulder. i knew, then, that it was okay to run-on. as mr. eggers wrote, it's inhuman to impede another's progress. i felt the freedom i needed to push forward, and the assurance i needed knowing that should i fall back you'd be there to push me on.

thank you patrons of ross for apparently not being fans of hot pink running shorts. your loss is my gain.

for miles three and four, i'd especially like to thank the Jackson 5 and of course Wilson Phillips. running really is easy as 1, 2, 3. so long as you hold on for one more day.

to my unrelenting side-cramp, thank you for making me grit my teeth. god only knows how many bugs i might have swallowed.

to one, annie favero. the sling-shot kept me going. as did the comedic relief. while i don't know what you were saying on account of my ipod, i trust your anecdotes were inspired, insightful, and probably a little inappropriate.

thank you to my newest 12,000 friends. for not pushing me over. tripping me. elbowing me. or stepping on my heels, i am eternally grateful. i bruise like a peach and came out remarkably unscathed. save for a sore knee, and for that i offer thanks as well.

thank you, left knee, for reminding me that when one part of the body is hurting, the whole body suffers. i think i've heard this idea somewhere.

for mile five, i owe my eternal love and gratitude to my heavy-heart and wayward worries. many thanks for necessitating many runs, often longer than intended, for the purpose of clearing my head.

and lastly for mile six, and reaching the finish-line, i owe my thanks to none other than beyonce. thank you that you reliably modulate music upward in a manner demanding of a quickening of one's step. mile six was my fastest. and for that, i have you to thank.

speaking of acceptance, take a minute and enjoy one of the greatest of all time.

Cuba Gooding Jr. Oscar Acceptance Speech by Lilia44540

the 4th of july is fine and everything

2011-07-04T08:12:00.001-07:00

....it's just the people who blow stuff up all night on the 3rd that i have a problem with.

summer skype dates

2011-06-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

update

2011-06-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

so much has happened since a new post could be found here. which was may 16th as my mom kindly reminded me yesterday. allow me to catch you up.

i finished my teaching contract at the outdoor science school. probably more to come on that.

i moved. to capitola. i live five blocks from the beach. which is partly why i can't really be bothered with writing. at least here.

i am now working full-time for mount hermon adventures. it's tough. sea kayaking in the morning. zip lining in the afternoon. and tree climbing with kids in the evening.

i've been riding my bike a lot. to the beach. and so on.

i planted a garden.

i'm trying to read a book a week.

i've also been working on my tan. duh. and by 'working on' i mean it's a byproduct of my lifestyle.

for now i must go. the marine layer has burned off. and the beach is calling my name.

just saying...

2011-05-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

music (i'm a day late) monday

2011-04-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

a friend introduced me to this man yesterday, knowing my love for pugs. not only is pug his namesake, but his music isn't so bad either.

marry me marcus mumford

2011-04-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

some highlights from thursday's concert.

he is risen, indeed.

2011-04-24T10:56:00.001-07:00

A Portrait of Christ from Jeremy Cowart on Vimeo.

this train is bound for glory

2011-04-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

i have many things to say after last night's show. to quote mr. marcus mumford himself, the experience was absolutely 'transcendental'. old crow medicine show finished their set as the sun set brilliantly over the bay, the bridge, and the city. it was magnificent. edward sharpe then came on. a clear (least) favorite and blew us away. the energy and eccentrics were so over-the-top, but it just somehow worked.

marcus mumford, yes, yes i will marry you. marcus and the boys were phenomenal and i'll have more words on their portion of the evening soon and very soon. but for now i'll leave you with this gem of a video. it was the finale and it was incredible.

if ever i've needed to be revived

2011-04-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

...and i've always loved the railroad.

i'm trying

2011-04-20T07:50:00.001-07:00

it's just that some mornings i much prefer

that my feet never hit the floor at all.

i want to celebrate and live my life.

2011-04-19T22:36:00.000-07:00

music monday

2011-04-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

go here now and download this.

it's good to be back.

2011-04-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

barista: where'd you get those pants?

me: urban outfitters.

barista: you would.

just last night, while waiting to board my flight i was reflecting on how reassuring it was, to look around the boarding area, and to pick out those who were just visiting and those who were going home, and to feel like the latter.

seattle for the weekend?

2011-04-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

don't mind if i do. see ya suckers.

see more eye candy here

touche, my friend, touche

2011-04-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

compared to what!

2011-04-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

my students this week are in 7th and 8th grade. and they're huge. just huge. i love them but they're all very big. i was joking with them the other day about how much bigger they are than me. i later was trying to get their attention. get an image of this.

me standing in the middle of 19 students, in the middle of the forest. all bigger than me. and me saying, in my ~~highest~~ loudest voice possible
'if you guys don't cut it out i'm gonna...'.
but before i can finish my sentence i'm interrupted by the, i'm-sure-to-be, first-ever 8th grade NBA draft pick, who says:
'you're gonna what!'. to which i replied
'scott, do you think you're the first student i've ever had to be bigger than me? i'm very creative.'

sometimes mondays feel like this

2011-03-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

(couldn'tbemore)gif

2011-03-25T00:14:00.000-07:00

what a week.

a few things of note:

this music:

John Legend - Rolling in the Deep (Adele Cover) by johnlegend

also these little ones whom i'll be spending the weekend with.

i don't usually ask for a lot

2011-03-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

but today i am.

-i'm asking for there to not be any landslides.
-i'm asking that no trees fall down. especially while i'm in them.
-i'm asking that my house not fall off the side of the mountain
-i'm asking to not be struck by lightning as i swing from one giant lightning rod tree to another, on a lightning rod cable.
-i'm asking that there be power and hot water in my house (that has not fallen from the earth) to re-warm my cold body once i come inside.

that is all. please and thank you.

f is for friday. and also for some reason i ran out of coffee.

2011-03-11T06:52:00.001-08:00

this isn't going to go well.

t is for thursday. and also for tired

2011-03-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

which i am. so please thursday be kind. and friday. don't delay.

w is for wednesday. and also waiting

2011-03-09T08:05:00.001-08:00

from dust you have come. and to dust you will return.

I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Wait for now

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
Use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground
And I'll kneel down
Wait for now

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

And raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

announcement

2011-03-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

i have in my hot little hand (electronically speaking) a ticket.

the ticket presale went live this morning at 9am. and after some frantic internet magic to find the presale password, the tickets are purchased and all is well in the world. now if only that baby would be born.

t is for tuesday. and also tomorrow is ash wednesday

2011-03-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

it's so interesting to me that life can fit so well into the church calendar. as tomorrow marks the start of lent, the season is so apparent. there's so much 'not yet' in my life and in the lives of people i love. so much waiting. for hope. for healing. for baby debenning #3. for spring. for a new season in life. for new life. it's just a lot of hurry up and wait. and it's sometimes tiring. but for the next 40 days let it be a beautiful journey of 'not yet' in which the imminence of what is to come is tangible and sustaining.

m is for monday. and also for my god here we go again

2011-03-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

mondays are a mixed bag. on one hand they're filled with all the hope you can handle. another change. a do-over. a new beginning. a fresh start. but it's hard to remember all of that when before you're out of bed all you can think is 'please friday. get here fast. and to the rest of the week before then, go easy on me'.

what i wore

2011-03-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

“Something else an academic education will do for you. If you go along with it any considerable distance, it’ll begin to give you an idea what size mind you have. What it’ll fit and, maybe, what it won’t. After a while, you’ll have an idea what kind of thoughts your particular size mind should be wearing. For one thing, it may save you an extraordinary amount of time trying on ideas that don’t suit you, aren’t becoming to you. You’ll begin to know your true measurements and dress your mind accordingly.”

—

JD Salinger / Catcher in the Rye

this morning there's a steady drizzle falling. and one must dress accordingly for precipitation. i'm cloaked in a water-resistant, but maybe not proof, coat of hesitant hope. embellished on the shoulders with a ruffle that adds a touch of whimsical wit. because sometimes fashion over function is all that will do. my pants are rolled on account, in part, of my stature, how i was made, and in part, on account of the rain. rain has a way of making itself at home. starting at the edges, the hem, and working its way up until you're cold to the bone and can't possibly imagine ever being warm again. beneath my coat i wear a button up shirt. it's weathered and worn, having accompanied me on many a journey. the cuffs stained from getting my hands dirty. it hangs off my shoulders and is much too big. the elbows thin from hours spent at a desk wondering and wandering, cheeks in my palms. meandering in my mind. even with my coat zipped clear to my chin, winter has a way of making its way inside. so i wear a scarf. borrowed from a friend. because sometimes my coat just isn't quite enough, and there are cracks through which the cold can creep. but bundled in a scarf, woven from love, there is room only for warmth. and then there are my shoes. the ultimate act of winter defiance: flip flops. i know full well that it's raining. and as i flip and i flop, i undoubtedly will splash mud on my clothes. my toes will get wet. even cold. but i'm willing to risk it. i wear flip flops in expectant anticipation of warmer weather and blue skies. the season of on earth as i imagine it to be in heaven, sunny and about seventy degrees, without a cloud in the sky.

saturday soundtrack

2011-03-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

crushing

2011-03-04T16:16:00.001-08:00

on david ramirez.

i'm her mom....no she's...not

2011-03-04T02:25:00.000-08:00

today is cat day. i don't actually like cats. at all. but i do like this video.

baby bieber birthday

2011-03-01T16:54:00.000-08:00

today is justin bieber's birthday. how do i know? i teach sixth grade girls.

girl to me: did you NOT know it was Justin Bieber's birthday?! what have you been doing, living under a rock...?

this is my life!

2011-03-01T16:51:00.000-08:00

monday monday monday

2011-02-28T07:41:00.000-08:00

i've noticed two things in my life lately.

there's this point in my day. usually close to the end. when i realize i'm going to go to bed soon. and i get so excited. it's like i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. and for that single moment in time the day wasn't that bad. regardless of what happened or didn't. my achy joints ache less. my meandering mind stills. it's like i can feel the end. this day will end.

and then there's the counterpoint. it's generally before i've opened my eyes in the morning. but after i've been awake a while. on account of sometimes in the morning feeling like if i just keep my eyes closed a little longer i won't see whatever it is coming that will surely bowl me right over. because who actually wants to see that coming. on days on which i'm especially optimistic the crease of my elbow finds the bridge of my nose, like i know the day's about to hit and i'm protecting my face. and it's there, from this prayerful (help me help me help me) posture that i realize...there's coffee. and i can get out of bed. i know i will make it until that moment where i can again know that my day will end.

'that which you manifest is before you'

2011-02-27T19:49:00.000-08:00

i've never been a big reader (of fiction). but the more i appreciate the narrative, the more i appreciate the meta-narrative, and of course all things are connected by meta-physics. so all that's to say i've been reading more fiction. over the weekend i read the art of racing in the rain. below are a few of my favorite quotes.

the sun rises every day. what is to love? lock the sun in a box. force the sun to overcome adversity in order to rise. then we will cheer.

to live every day as if i had been stolen from death, that is how i would like to live. to feel the joy of life. to separate oneself from the burden, the angst, the anguish that we all encounter every day. to say i am alive. i am wonderful, i am. i am. that is something to aspire to. when i am a person, that is how i will live my life.

can't we? i wondered. even just a little? can we not will ourselves to achieve the impossible? can we not use the power of our life force to change something: one small thing, one insignificant moment, one breath, one gesture? is there nothing we can do to change what is around us?

inside each of us resides the truth...the absolute truth. but sometimes the truth is hidden in a hall of mirrors. sometimes we believe we are viewing the real thing, when in fact we are viewing a facsimile, a distortion...we must shatter the mirrors. we must look into ourselves and root out the distortions until that thing which we know in our hearts is perfect and true, stands before us. only then will justice be served.

books not bombs

2011-02-27T18:49:00.000-08:00

borders in santa cruz is going out of business. books are flying off the shelves for pennies on the dollar. the reading queue is as follows:

(last) weekend update

2011-02-27T18:40:00.000-08:00

thursday: 4.5 inches of rain during extended hike. on my birthday. after extended hike i was admittedly disheartened but all it took was a surprise pug for a day to turn things around.

friday: long awaited trip to target. like there's even anything better. please.

saturday: emily and kels came to visit. i decided i should probably return to LA with them. so i did and flew back the next day. only after a huge airport cluster-cuss. and also after a surprise visit to the debennings which is always good for the soul. can't wait the the newest addition to arrive.

music make me lose control

2011-02-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

of my bank account.

not really. ~~but kind of~~. but seriously not really. all that's to say i'm listening to too many things to limit the 'words i'm listening to' portion of this humble blog to a single album. so i've included some recent musical acquisitions i feel to be worth noting.

g. love - fixin' to die

radiohead - king of limbs

the civil wars - barton hollow

walk the moon - i want! i want!

the low anthem - smart flesh

morning music

2011-02-26T09:37:00.000-08:00

currently on repeat. in my car. on my computer. and in my head.

you can download it here.

beat LA

2011-02-25T07:11:00.000-08:00

today's the first game of spring training. while it has been nice to every month celebrate the anniversary of the giants recent world championship win, i'm very excited for the season to start.

2011-02-16T08:36:00.001-08:00

I am, you anxious one.
Don't you sense me, ready to break
into being at your touch?
My murmurings surround you like shadowy wings.
Can't you see me standing before you,
cloaked in stillness?
Hasn't my longing ripened in you
from the beginning
as fruit ripens on a branch?

I am the dream you are dreaming.
When you want to awaken, I am that wanting:
I grow strong in the beauty you behold.
And with the silence of the stars I enfold
your cities made by time.

-Rilke

i.can.die.happy.

2011-02-14T22:03:00.001-08:00

what do mark driscoll and a second-grade boy have in common

2011-02-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

this week i have a class of 11 home-schooled second-graders. eight of which are boys. and none of which know how to be in a class. which isn't their fault. nor does it need to be anyone's fault. it just makes my job interesting/tiring/exasperating/maddening.

as i learned quickly today, second-graders don't do anything when thirsty, hungry, tired, with shoes untied, while nose-picking, or in some cases ever. feeling the need for a little break, we stopped for a snack. before departing i did a quick check to make sure no trash had been left behind.

me: can you pick up your trash please?

*looking at me like i'm an alien* boy: at home mommy does that. me and daddy are men.

me: not in my class. pick up the rest while you're at it.

there's no love in control

2011-02-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

the end has come to what was a great weekend. i snuck into LA just in time for nap time and a beautiful time of sharing life with my brother-in-law. there was much sharing this weekend. of life. of worries and struggles. food. drinks. and of course toys. zoe and moses are pretty good at sharing. and now it's monday. and my guess is that i share a strong aversion to monday with many. so i'll leave you with this.

nothing says good morning

2011-02-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

like a toddler

i just can't be bothered

2011-02-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

i'm in LA for a special little man's birthday. you won't hear from me. i'm too busy spending time with these lovelies.

thy kingdom come

2011-02-03T17:39:00.000-08:00

saw this gem over at good. absolutely beautiful.

lint is a shell's best friend

2011-01-28T07:39:00.000-08:00

things i haven't quite gotten right so far this morning:
-put coffee beans. in the coffee maker.
-put shorts on. over the shorts i was already wearing.
-brushed my teeth. with no toothpaste.
-put one contact in.

i'm sure the list will go on.

i just need

2011-01-26T23:30:00.001-08:00

a friend asked me tonight what i pray for.

i had to think about it for a while.

todd says i have an aversion to religion, and prayer is definitely included in that. at least in the traditional sense of the word.

it's been a running theme for me this week so far, the post-waking but pre-walking 'i don't know what i need. but i need. so please can i have that.'

because the thing is, i think it's rare to know what we need. and when we think we do, the powers that be often have other ideas.

so rather than having some idea about what i need, and then being bewildered when S/He doesn't agree that i need a giraffe for a pet or at least a pug, i think i'm gonna try this for a while:

we all have those moments. where in retrospect we say 'i didn't even know i needed that'. i want to be aware of those. i want to in the morning say 'i just need'. and in the evening say 'thank you, i never could have known i needed that'.

one day we'll all be found

2011-01-26T23:20:00.001-08:00

pugs not drugs

2011-01-25T22:34:00.000-08:00

before you've even opened your eyes, before you peel back the covers, and before your alarm can go off one last time (you can, after all, only snooze for so long), you just know. today you need a good day.

and then you don't open your eyes. at least i didn't. not this morning. not until i begged and pleaded.

'i don't know what i need exactly. i just...need. so please can i have that. whatever it is i need. please.'

apparently these are the things i needed today:
-to laugh. hard.
-to wear shorts and a t-shirt
-a quick (in duration. not speed) run followed by a cuss-causing ab-set

the thing i needed most today is not included above on account of it being worthy of its own paragraph:

the beach.

today, for work, i went to the beach. while there i did the following: played frisbee. laughed. sat. soaked up the sun. and also mercilessly stalked an unknowing pug-owner. for work. work!

i needed today. and i'm so thankful.

monday (not so) fun day.

2011-01-24T22:33:00.000-08:00

one of the first sentences to come out of my mouth this morning was as follows:

'when i woke up this morning, i was struggling so much i had to listen to christian music to make it out of bed.'

and while i might be a bit more liberal. or "open-minded". or etherial. or many paths-one-mountain. or all creation shall be redeemed, than the average evangelical might be comfortable with, it turns out that i do, in fact, need thee every hour.

i need thee in a strong cup of coffee. and another one after that.
and in a quiet walk to work.
i need thee in knowing looks from knowing people.
we all need thee if we hope to be slow to speak and quick to listen.
and god knows we need thee every hour. thy body, but particularly thy blood, in the form of wine. ideally after the every hours of 5pm.

try me tuesday. i doubt you'll top monday.

Grace and Peace. I need thee every hour.

scrabble sun(ny)day

2011-01-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

in light of my recent mention of scrabble, i'd like to share these photos.

thank you weheartit

today is

2011-01-23T10:08:00.001-08:00

saturday is sunshine day. scrambling to the roof day. sunbathing and sleeping day.

2011-01-22T10:52:00.000-08:00

so this is what 7:30am looks like

2011-01-19T08:22:00.000-08:00

after quite a number of weeks not, this morning i'm teaching. just for the day. math in nature. what?

thank you weheartit

also listening to this has revolutionized how i get ready in the morning.

...so what you're saying is...

2011-01-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

there are a plethora of euphemisms in the english language.

some of them are fairly well-known and widely-used. people don't die they pass away. the opposite of death, of course being life, symbolized in new life: birth. one who gives birth is said to be with-child, and is never knocked-up. and people aren't unemployed after being let go (a.k.a. fired), they are instead between jobs.

but then there are what i like to call youphemisms. those little things, idiosyncrasies, that you(personally) do or say that mean one thing, but are in fact understood to be or mean another.

some of mine include replying with 'just great' when asked how i am. often i am, in fact, great. why the hell not? and when i'm not great, it's not that i am whatever the opposite of great is, i'm just not particularly interested in articulating whatever it is that i am. (the difference is in the inflection.)

and then there's the head-nod. lately i've noticed myself doing this thing, where for lack of a better word or words period, i just nod my head in a there-just-aren't-really-words sort of way.

one other such youphemism, for me, is scrabble. now in general i enjoy scrabble. because, what's not to enjoy about it? but i wouldn't want to play scrabble with everyone. nor do i here surmise that everyone would enjoy playing scrabble with me. but similar to euphemisms, and youphemisms, i'm not actually talking about playing scrabble.

certainly, there are those times when i say 'i'd like to play scrabble' in which i am indeed saying, 'i would like to play a game of scrabble'. however, there are times, especially as of late, when by saying 'i'd like to play scrabble' i'm actually saying

'i'm-a-little-bit-on-the-verge-tears-but-i-don't-want-to-talk-about-it-because-that-will-push-me-over-the-edge-so-please-can-we-play-scrabble-as-a-way-of-acknowledging-the-fact-that-i-am-for-whatever-reason-on-the-brink-of-emotional-implosion-but-i-don't-want-to-talk-about-it-and-would-obviously-rather-be-otherwise-engaged'.

deep breath.

but like euphemisms, and youphemisms, and scrabble, and scrabble, the point that i'm making, and the point that i'm making, are not all one in the same.

what i'm really trying to ask is why are we not better at saying what we're saying?

all of this came about the other day when i confided in a friend that i need to get better at asking for help. she immediately responded with 'what do you need right now'?

okay, cause what's that now?

i've come to realize that it's not so much that i struggle with articulating what i need. it's the state of needing in-itself that tangles this tongue.

it turns out that the state of being human, is in fact a euphemism for the state of being in need, often of other humans. which would mean, then, that humanity is an antonym for self-sufficiency.

2011-01-17T12:13:00.000-08:00

'human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted'

thanks jay

sometimes you just need a little reminder...

2011-01-14T08:35:00.000-08:00

will the real glenn beck please stand up

2011-01-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

Apparently, right wing pundit Glenn Beck likes to stand against violence with a gun in his hands. At least that’s the impression you might get if you visit his website. One of the top three featured articles right now is his response to the Arizona shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords with the reasonable quote: “We must stand together against all violence.” But if you look to the side, you might also catch a photo of Beck peeking around the corner a gun in his hands (see screenshot above). It’s as though he wants to shoot the crap out of violence. Or maybe he wants to stand together and sing Kumbaya. Will the real Glenn Beck please stand up?

If you don’t see the image right away, keep reloading the page (go ahead, don’t be scared). Different photos of Beck appear as whimsical design elements along the side of the page. There’s Beck as a teacher, a Founding Father, and gun-toting lunatic or some sort of Secret Service agent (I’m not really sure what he’s supposed to be, actually). There’s also one of him holding a boulder over his head (see below). I guess that is what he means by “stand together against all violence.”

I am assuming these juxtapositions are unintentional in the same way that contextual online ads are sometimes inappropriate. But they certainly do send a mixed message. Below are some more potential captions we came up with for this post. Please add your own headline or caption in comments:

Glenn Beck Will Teach You To Stand Together Against Violence… With His Gun
Let’s Shoot The Crap Out Of Violence.
Glenn Beck Aims To Kill Violence

re-blogged from here.

growing is forever. well that's the truth.

2011-01-10T09:50:00.001-08:00

Growing is Forever from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

rock the vote

2011-01-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

"There is singing, there is dancing, this is a day like no other in the history of the people of south Sudan."

res.o.lu.tion |ˌrezəˈloō sh ən|

2011-01-09T13:02:00.000-08:00

i didn't really think much about new years until i read somewhere that NYE was the last day of the decade. (!!!) and then i felt a great sense of urgency/panic. why did nobody warned me?! this is a BIG DAMN DEAL!

i had orginially decided that my lone resolution for 2011 would be 'do epic shit'. as inspired by this cutsie little photo i found.

but then i remembered my mom reads my blog. so 'doing epic shit' is problematic for a number of reasons. one, shit is not a word i grew up saying (out loud). and two, the epic shit i already do, i'm fairly certain, makes every grey hair (largely the doing of my epic shit) on my poor mom's head stand-up. so i clearly had to come up with something else.

and what i came up with is this: do more that actually scares you.

and while i certainly hope to climb some things, and jump off of and out of some things this year, that's not really the kind of scared i'm talking about.

i'm talking about the things i don't do because i'm scared i might fail. or the things i don't do because they make me vulnerable. and that is certainly scary. things like sharing my thoughts, and my life, and trusting (in anything other than myself). doing what i must, because i must, no matter how impractical it may be.

so that's my resolution. but i don't like to call it that. it just sounds so official. and scary.

i have a couple of goals that i've set which i think will help keep me on track. more on that later. maybe. for now i'll leave you with a quote, and some closing thoughts.

'Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.' Bill Cosby (courtesy of cindy)

in closing.

i have an unofficial resolution: keep this little plant alive for a year. because if i can do that, i'm getting myself a pug. and a giraffe. well, definitely a pug. giraffe to come later.

sacred sundays

2011-01-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

"I [don't] need to understand the hypostatic unity of the Trinity; i just need[ed] to turn my life over to whoever came up with redwood trees.”

-anne lamott

this is a church i'd be interested in attending.

you need to know about this

2011-01-08T11:44:00.000-08:00

Old Habits Review | The Stranger(s) | Hot Bodies In Motion

from Hot Bodies In Motion on Vimeo.

you can listen to more tracks here

i'm not really a hugger. but i can manage a pat on the back.

2011-01-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

— Maya Angelou.

hope is the thing with feathers

2011-01-07T11:02:00.000-08:00

from weheartit

out with the old in with the new (year)

2011-01-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

images from weheartit

love them

2010-12-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

all i want for christmas

2010-12-24T20:17:00.000-08:00

is probably not this.

i like pugs very much. and i like giraffes very much. but i don't think i like them in the two-in-one sense.

'you're the most skittish naturalist i've ever met'

2010-12-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

i've never thought of myself to be a skittish individual. sure, i have a healthy fear of all things larger than myself. and the dark. germs. confined physical spaces requiring close physical contact. or just physical contact period. and deeeefinitely deer with antlers. but i find these fears to all be somewhat natural and rational. and so on and so forth.

but! i think the thing that makes me whatever the opposite of skittish is, is that i have an uncanny ability, when necessary (and with the fears i have, it's necessary often) to overcome my fears.

first my eyes stop blinking. i swallow hard. my ears rise by approximately 1 centimeter. and generally the rest of my body ceases moving. when scared, that is. post hard-swallow and pre cold-sweat, i typically clench my jaw, causing my muscles to visibly flex. i then close my eyes and bow my head, ears still raised, of course. it's then, with my head bowed that i'm able to allow the fear of self-loathing for being afraid to overcome the fear of imminent death. and i go about my day.

imagine, then, the process immediately following the power going out in my house this afternoon:

1. i'm scared of the dark. especially when alone.
2. what if the power going out caused the pilot light to go out causing my house to fill with gas only to explode when i light a candle.
3. what if the deer with antlers undoubtedly lurking outside my home see this as their chance to...?!
4. the temperature in the fridge will rise to that of an incubator and my groceries will become petri dishes

eyes get dry.
ears defy gravity
jaw is clenched just enough to cause my molars to recede into my gums
eyes finally close, forming a prominent wrinkle consequently causing a pain between my eyes matched only by what i imagine (and hope to never find out) the pains of childbirth to be
head is bowed in prayer to sweet baby cheesus crust (thank you KT barnes)
i resign myself to the fact that i will surely die, and raise my head victorious over...well just victorious.

all in time for the power to come back on.

you see, in recent days i've been talking about how during these weeks of time-off and an empty house, i was looking forward to having time to be with my thoughts and perhaps even write them down. and when the power went out, and along with it the interwebs, and netflix streaming, i became acutely aware that my thoughts are sometimes an ugly, unnerving and certainly scary place to be.

so i wrote this instead.

as for my fear of deer with antlers...

what could possibly! be worse than this?!

jedi-mind trick

2010-12-18T14:21:00.000-08:00

my dear friend callan has been in palestine the last few weeks doing some pretty cool work/training on experiential education/teambuilding. i had the chance to skype with her this morning which was a real treat. my favorite was that in the middle of a sentence she stopped and matter-of-factly remarked 'it's kinda weird that the sun is over there. it was over here. and now it's over there.' it sounds silly and simple...but when you really think about it...it is a bit of a jedi-mind-trick.

_______ in the blank

2010-12-18T14:15:00.000-08:00

stumbled upon this this morning. thought it was pretty cool. some of my favorites:

compared to what

2010-12-16T14:51:00.001-08:00

great expectations

2010-12-16T09:52:00.001-08:00